SBTB 03.12 - The Last Weekend

I'm going to start out with our Shut Up, Dustin Diamond feature this time around because it is not the typical type. Normally I like to highlight when Screech gets some preferential onscreen treatment from the ladies. So, while this looks like it fits the mold -

- it isn't why the feature is showing up. No no no, the reason Dustin Diamond needs to shut up is because he has kissed, been kissed, or rubbed up on so many good looking ladies by this point in the series that what happens to Slater is downright unjust.

For all the hate Screech feels like he gets from his SBTB cohorts, he definitely schmoozed more quality ladies than the rest of the cast. So hey! Shut up, Dustin Diamond.

I'm not sure about everyone else, but I was enjoying the Malibu Sands episodes. The previous five were a nice, fresh take on the crew and their relationships (which actually seemed to hardly exist). That all changed within the first few minutes of this episode. I don't know why, but the magic of this location is dead to me. I'm glad this little arc is over.

Maybe it is the gimmicks. Gimmicks like - "Oh, the Carosis are mad at each other and we'll trick them into showing up for a picture and then making really lame excuses to leave the stage so that it's just the two of them left so they make up."

Gimmicks like - "We made a sand castle, just try not to notice it bouncing around behind Screech because it is absolutely fake."

And if the perfect form of the castle didn't alert to its fakeness, maybe the lowered door made out of magic sand proved it.

Alright, enough belittling the episode. Let's move on.

Guests last. It seems that while I didn't like this episode it still packed in some star power. First off, Jordan Christopher Michael.

Jordan Christopher Michael - Welcome to puberty!

Do you know this kid? This is Billy. He hits on chicks and gets them to touch his knee. He is eleven. He also had a role on "Full House." (Remember Rusty? That precocious little prankster and Stephanie-kisser?) Hollywood was done with him at an early age. No worries, he now does freelance photography around L.A. and his stuff looks really cool. You can check out his Instagram handle @someonesleeping. Very worthwhile.

The other star showing up for the Malibu Sands finale:

Denise Richards

This is Denise Richards, who has the looks to be asked to stage the worst drowning ever. She did it marvelously as the character Cynthia, who is supposedly going to attend Bayside. That never happens. (Maybe this Hollywood slight is the reason she made the 'best' decision of her life and marry Charlie Sheen...) There isn't much to know about Denise Richards outside of "Wild Things" (guys will know what that means), "Undercover Brother" (white guys who think they understand black culture enough to laugh at a movie about why white guys should not laugh at black culture will know what this means), and "Seinfeld," where her cleavage prevents Jerry and George's show to get picked up by NBC.

All that paragraph and Denise Richards wasn't even credited. Nice.

Feel free to share what stood out to you in the comments below.

Edit: Here are some further, lesser-known Denise Richards appearances.

1) In 1991, Denise appeared in a "Doogie Houser, M.D." episode called "Doogstruck." She plays a terrible date named Alissa who hits on the waiter instead of Doogie.

Denise Richards - Doogie Houser, M.D.

(This episode also has another SBTB alum as another bad date in Suzanne Tara. Her write-up is here.)

SBTB 03.10 - Boss Lady

I've got to pause from the episodic stuff for just a moment and alert my dear readers that Lark Voorhies, the famed Lisa Turtle, has recorded music and placed it on the interwebs for us all to hear. Check it out on Spotify (under her name) or HERE.

That is really what was in her heart that she just had to share with the world? Amazing.

Back to the issue at hand. As in, this episode.

Why oh why did Mr. Fletcher get a credit for this episode? Well, I guess it's because he had plenty of Hollywood work before this episode appearance. After? Not so much.

John Welsh

John Welsh plays the do-anything-for-daughter father Mr. Fletcher. You may recognize him as the sometimes recurring white guy "Big Earl" Barnett from "What's Happening!!" Or the smattering of other things he'd done before this episode seemingly killed his career. But that's all I got.

You want more? Okay. How about calling bull on this scene with Slater burning... something.

This is the guy that almost missed a wrestling match because of his flawless baking in HomeEc. This should have been a Lisa scene, but only because she assaulted my ears at the beginning of the blog.

Feel free to share what stood out to you in the comments below.

SBTB 03.08 - My Boyfriend's Back

In case you were wondering, the KLF300B3 was totally real. It was an ATV model made by Kawasaki in 1990. This is an instance in which product placement didn't hit the viewer over the head.

I normally like to harp on the poor production quality of Saved by the Bell, but these Malibu Sands episodes are pretty well done. The writing is fun and there are no booms in the shots. (Yet.) So, I'll tell you about Craig Strand and we'll call it a day.

Craig Strand! Wow.

Benjamin King

Craig Strand is played by Benjamin King. Homeboy is the perennial eastern citizen: Rich in Boston and a frat boy at Yale. Tall. Good looking. Stuck up. (Yup, that's how we westerners look at you loafer-wearing easterners.) Benjamin King has a laundry list of appearances in shows and movies, but his most notable(?) gig - at least his longest television job - has come recently on "Liv and Maddie," a Disney show about twin girls, one a pop star and the other a jock. So good job, Benjamin King. You could be the next Miley Cyrus, sans wrecking ball.

Feel free to share what stood out to you in the comments below.

SBTB 03.06 - Fourth of July

Slater was a perfect buffoon in that race. He fell; he faltered; he lost. Worst of all, he hit his head on the limbo bar. It was lovely.

Acknowledged!

All-in-all, this was a good episode for Lisa. These Malibu Sands episodes have really seemed to let her character breathe a little more.

Stacey Carosi is obviously becoming a bigger character in these episodes, so let's finally take a look at the person playing her.

Leah Remini

Stacey is played by Leah Remini. She has always seemed to have work, but never in something all that great. She has had recurring roles in many series throughout her career, but the only one that seemed to last was on "The King of Queens." She played the hot wife of a fat guy. Yup, that's where you've seen her. As of now (2014), she is in "The Exes."

As to the other guest star on this episode, Jacquelyn Hyde plays Madonna Schwartzkauf. Uh, she does? Despite being credited in the credits, there is no Madonna named in this episode. There is no prominently shown old woman in the episode (because Jacquelyn Hyde would have been old in order to be in this episode). I wonder if she had a scene that got cut at the last minute. Oh well.

And now for the triumphant return of my favorite segment:

Shut up, Dustin Diamond!

Feel free to share what stood out to you in the comments below.

SBTB 03.04 - The Game

Volleyball. Malibu Sands. Dark Sevier.

Dark Sevier? What does that mean?

Dark Sevier

That would be this guy. This guy with the tragically short pants and even more tragically short shirt. Granted, he is 6'10" and won't fit in most uniforms when hired so brashly. The tallness, however, is no excuse for the hair.

Dark Sevier tried to be an actor. Tried. You may have noticed from this episode that his performance is a little wooden. You may not have to teach seven feet in the game of basketball, but six-ten still needs acting lessons. Hollywood didn't need this guy and he didn't end up doing anything else of note.

So, what has a man named Dark done since this episode? Well, he emceed in Hawaii at the rRed Elephant in 2006 for a string of shows featuring comedy, drama, and weirdness (their words). Also, it looks like he is trying to be a photographer and filmographer. Yet, check out this insanely boring video and judge for yourself if things are working out for him. It's said he shoots from the hip so as to get more in-the-moment type shots; to catch people when they are least expecting it. Right, he's just adjusting so as to shoot on a more normal level. Good luck, Dark. May your career be better than the other guy with a similar name - Darko Milicic. That shouldn't be too hard.

Let's go polar opposite:

Ernie Sabella

Hello, Leon Carosi, you short, fat, convincing actor guy.

Ernie Sabella: You know this guy. You probably saw him in the last Malibu Sands episode and tried to place him. He's been in a ton of stuff, but you should mainly know him for two reasons. First, he is the voice of Pumbaa from "The Lion King." He and Nathan Lane team up to make one of the greatest comedic tandems in movie history. Second:

He is the naked guy on the subway on "Seinfeld." You cannot unsee this.

I'll tackle Stacey Carosi during the next Malibu Sands episode so that I don't overload you with person after person since there have been fewer production gaffs as the series matures.

Then again, how do you explain this?

Standing that close to the net, Tad should not have been beaned and defaced in such a way. Not unless Zack has such wicked spin on his serves. I don't think he does. Sorry Tad. You got served? (Nope, I couldn't commit to that slight.)

Feel free to share what stood out to you in the comments below.

SBTB 03.02 - Zack's Birthday

Wha-wha-what? Something doesn't make sense here.

1. We just went through the tragic break up between Zack and Kelly in the season premier and were told that the story would continue, but then we get this episode next? Saved by the Bell obviously had episode-order issues, but this was the start of the Malibu Sands arc (which comes later) so why did it show here?
2. Now that I think about it, wasn't Zack and Kelly's magic relationship very, very short lived? If you take away the Season 1 episodes that were sprinkled in with the Season 2's when Zack and Kelly were an item then you have maybe four episodes in which they act like they are a couple. That really takes away from the magnitude of this break up.

We are just going to have to deal with this super odd chronology. Chalk it up to another snafu, like moving the cast from Indianapolis to SoCal.

Now, I'm going to save the Malibu Sands cast for the arc. But, while I've got you here, allow me to take you back to this moment in the episode:

If you will recall, Zack has just reamed Stacey for being a robot. If you listen closely, you hear somebody remark "busted" from the audience. I really hope this voice is canned so that it can show up later. I'm tagging it just in case.

Now, I'm going to watch the next episode so I can finally see what happens with that stupid Jeff.

Feel free to share what stood out to you in the comments below.