SBTB 03.24 - Home for Christmas: Part 1

Our beginning starts with an ending - as in, the end of a scene in which the gang is leaving and freaking Slater nearly rolls an ankle.

I'm not sure if he stepped on something or if he bumped into Jesse. The only reason I saw this is because I was lamenting how tight his pants are. Yikes.

Speaking of "yikes," how about that boss?

Lew Horn

Mr. Moody is aptly named, as he is a moody little man. He is played by Lew Horn. Sure, Lew Horn has some solid credits behind his name, but he also has some strangely sexual ones as well. For instance: "Date Rape: No Means No," a TV movie. Also, a sketch movie called "If You Don't Stop It... You'll Go Blind." Also, another TV movie called "Cry Rape." I guess you take the roles you are given. Especially when one of the roles is in SBTB: The New Class. That's right, Mr. Horn reprises his role in the red-headed step-child show a few years down the line.

Now, Lew Horn isn't the only guest star in this episode, but since this story is a two-parter, and since no other guest star appears in the next episode, I'll save the Bentons for the next blog. For now, would someone please tell the kid in the background to stop staring at Screech's tragic hair?

Sadly, this isn't the only inappropriate extra staring at Screech.

Just by his face alone, it seems like he's thinking: Oooh, yeah Screech. You get yours. Just lean on over and oooh. Dat's nice. He can think those creepy thoughts; we know what ours are: Shut up, Dustin Diamond!

Feel free to share what stood out to you in the comments below.

SBTB 03.23 - Cut Day

Styrofoam is bad. Ardent Jesse and Pathetic Graham tell you so in this very episode. Great. But did anybody get a Moleman vibe from the delivery guy?

Poor Moleman.

And Pathetic Graham:

David Kriegel

This poor sap is played by David Kriegel. I didn't know a male-Jesse could be so lame. Mr. Kriegel seemed to be destined for greatness in his early career. In the early 90s he had roles in "21 Jump Street," "Quantum Leap," "Growing Pains," and "90210." Movies included "Speed" and "Leaving Las Vegas." But, alas, roles became a bit more scarce. In 2006 he tried to jump over to the other side of the camera by producing and directing an episode of "VIP Passport." This stint lasted one episode. He now owns a dance studio with his wife called Creation Station.

But let's focus more on Graham. Graham was a dolt and a magician all at once.

Dolt:

Hey Dolt! Zack is taking your red paint and you are doing nothing!

Magician:

Wait, you were still able to put red on your signs? You freaking magician!

Graham isn't the only magician in this episode. Notice Zack staring at his obviously empty hands.

Then:

Blam! I have no clue where he was hiding that can of paint. I could hazard a guess, but this is a kiddy show and that sort of sordidness is not allowed.

Wait, is that a butt? What did I just say!?! This is a kiddy show! Why is a butt in this shot? Yes, there is a swimsuit on that actress, but it is clearly covering very little. I recall this being another instance of my mom walking into the room at this very wrong moment and declaring that "Saved by the Bell" is of the devil for glorifying immodesty.

Lastly, how blind is Mrs. Cunningham? Well, she thinks Nigeria is in North America. Worse: She looks closer at the map and realizes she is in North America but thinks she is pointing at Las Vegas, Nevada.

Sorry, sweetheart. Las Vegas is a bit more north. You are pointing at Yuma, Arizona.

Feel free to share what stood out to you in the comments below.

SBTB 03.22 - Rockumentary

Honestly, where do you start with an episode like this?

Do we make fun of fashion?

Really, Kelly? Flower pants?

Do we point out the crude Michael Jackson and Madonna rip-offs?

Sadly, the King of Pop has never looked more rapey.

Do we put on our big kid pants and realize the grammar is all wrong on the CD title?

Why is "A" capitalized but "we," "ever," and "have" ignored?

Do we point out that the newspapers all have their headlines taped on?

You can see where the paper covers pre-exisiting print. Also, the paper color is noticeably different.

Do we point out that one of the headlines was mistyped?

Was Borat on the staff that day?

Do we assume that Ryan Gosling went back in time to attend a Zack Attack concert?

I think he was a Mouseketeer at this time.

Seriously, so much stuff was packed into this one episode. And this is all beside the plot!

So let's get into some of the guest stars. We'll start with Casey Kesem.

Casey Kasem

You may recall him from the very first SBTB episode "Dancing to the Max." Mr. Kasem is a legend. He is probably best known for hosting the "American Top 40" radio show. In fact, he is a member of the National Radio Hall of Fame. He was also a producer and voice actor. I've switched to the past tense here, as Mr. Kasem recently passed away. But his unique voice will always be remembered.

Not a legend: Brian Fate.

Nick Brooks

Brian Fate, the across-the-pond music producer that just happened to be running by the Zack Attack practice space, is played by Nick Brooks. His resume is sparse, to say the least. The thing you would recognize is a stint on "Quantum Leap," though I guess he should get some credit for his role as Paratrooper Joe from "Saving Private Ryan." (I haven't seen the movie, but I'm pretty sure it's not a major character, as I can't see Tom Hanks shouting for Paratrooper Joe to join him behind enemy lines.)

His music-producing counterpart is just as bland:

Stacie Foster

Stacie Foster plays Mindy Wallace. (Doesn't it sound like Mindy Wallatzer in the show?) She had very small roles in some things, like being a doll mom zombie in "Night of the Living Dead," and better roles in the baby brothers of bigger shows. (What does that mean? She had a role in "Baywatch Nights."Not "Baywatch," but it's gimpy little brother. Also, "Saved by the Bell: The College Years" - not as Mindy.)

Now, I know I am forgetting something...

Right. Shut up, Dustin Diamond! You marry a cheerleader. This doesn't count for this segment, you say? Linking arms isn't enough, you say? How about girls ripping off his clothes, then?

Yeah. That totally counts.

And now I've got to find some way to get "Friends Forever" out of my head.

Feel free to share what stood out to you in the comments below.